You Might Be a Redneck if...

I get it. I live in the DEEP south. The rest of the country thinks of us as a bunch of rednecks. While this is true for some ok a lot, some of us are more refined and get just as big a laugh as you do at the sight of entire families dressed in camouflage at church.

Yesterday I stopped at Payless on my lunch. It's BOGO, y'all! I didn't find anything I liked, which is odd, but beside the point. Defeated, and on my way out the door I spotted these lovelies

What?! Seriously? You can't see it but that price tag says $24.99!

What do you wear these with? Perhaps this little number


Or this, high fashion, ensemble.

Wait, she's already got some rather fancy shoes on.
Perhaps they're meant for one of those redneck weddings where the bride wears camo.

Oooo! I found our blushing bride the perfect wedding cake!

I hesitate to show you this, but what the heck. The following picture was in our local paper a while back.

No, they didn't scrape up some road kill and serve it to guests. That, my friends, is a Nutria groom's cake. The Nutria, or water rat, is known for it's webbed feet, orange teeth that stick out of it's mouth, and it's love of gnawing on marsh plants. The groom told the local paper that he was quite familiar with the rats as he'd always see them swimming around while he was out in the marshes. The groom stated that he liked the bleeding armadillo cake seen in "Steel Magnolias," but felt that had been "done already." So he opted for the Nutria cake. In case you were wondering, yes, it too was red velvet. You know, to give it that bleeding look when cut.

And now one more picture of camouflage. This type of camo is acceptable in my book, he he he.

When The Dude was in Iraq, the wives were called to the squadron to view the first photographs of our men since their deployment. Upon seeing a picture of the unit, all in desert camo, standing in the desert sands, I shouted, "I don't see them!!" WHAT?! I thought it was funny.