Can anyone explain to me why men take SOOOOO long in the bathroom in the morning? Can't they just do their business and get out like normal people and by normal I mean women.
Seriously, The Dude monopolizes the downstairs bathroom for at LEAST 10 minutes in the morning. Normally this wasn't a problem as his little ritual was done before the kids wake up. Now that business has slowed a bit, he's going into work an hour later in the mornings creating a bathroom traffic jam.
We have one bathroom downstairs, ONE. This morning he strolled into the bathroom, locking the door behind him I don't know about you, but as a Mom it's been a LOOOONG time since I got to lock a bathroom door. No sooner does the door close does Pickles come running around the corner squealing about having to potty. Had the door not been locked I would have simply yanked the potty chair out into the hall and let him do his thing. But no, locked. He bangs on the door for Daddy to "Open up!!" and I quietly scoop him up and tell him we have to run upstairs. Sadly, he cannot hold it. Great. It's not even 7am and I've been peed on. Not to mention my coffee is sitting in her cup, rather lonely on the kitchen table, getting colder by the second.
I clean up Pickles and head back downstairs. Just as I reach for my dear friend coffee, Twin B comes tearing around the corner squealing about having to potty. She begins banging on the bathroom door, yelling at The Dude. Just as I reach down for her, HE starts yelling back! What the hell? Ummm, no. Do not yell at the not quite 4 yr old because she has to use the bathroom and you're STILL occupying it.
I try explaining to her that we can go upstairs, but she ain't havin' it. She continues to yell. The Dude continues to yell. Enter Twin A. Now the three of 'em are yelling. Twin B is yelling at The Dude, The Dude is yelling at Twin B, and Twin A chimes in with a "Don't yell at my sister!"
I drop my face in my hands (which are filled with clothing that has yet to be put on the screaming banshees) as I realize that this is going to be a very long morning.
I dream of one day relaxing on the couch with a HOT cup of coffee in the morning, like this bitch: