Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Men and the bathroom.

Can anyone explain to me why men take SOOOOO long in the bathroom in the morning? Can't they just do their business and get out like normal people and by normal I mean women.

Seriously, The Dude monopolizes the downstairs bathroom for at LEAST 10 minutes in the morning. Normally this wasn't a problem as his little ritual was done before the kids wake up. Now that business has slowed a bit, he's going into work an hour later in the mornings creating a bathroom traffic jam.

We have one bathroom downstairs, ONE. This morning he strolled into the bathroom, locking the door behind him I don't know about you, but as a Mom it's been a LOOOONG time since I got to lock a bathroom door. No sooner does the door close does Pickles come running around the corner squealing about having to potty. Had the door not been locked I would have simply yanked the potty chair out into the hall and let him do his thing. But no, locked. He bangs on the door for Daddy to "Open up!!" and I quietly scoop him up and tell him we have to run upstairs. Sadly, he cannot hold it. Great. It's not even 7am and I've been peed on. Not to mention my coffee is sitting in her cup, rather lonely on the kitchen table, getting colder by the second.

I clean up Pickles and head back downstairs. Just as I reach for my dear friend coffee, Twin B comes tearing around the corner squealing about having to potty. She begins banging on the bathroom door, yelling at The Dude. Just as I reach down for her, HE starts yelling back! What the hell? Ummm, no. Do not yell at the not quite 4 yr old because she has to use the bathroom and you're STILL occupying it.

I try explaining to her that we can go upstairs, but she ain't havin' it. She continues to yell. The Dude continues to yell. Enter Twin A. Now the three of 'em are yelling. Twin B is yelling at The Dude, The Dude is yelling at Twin B, and Twin A chimes in with a "Don't yell at my sister!"

I drop my face in my hands (which are filled with clothing that has yet to be put on the screaming banshees) as I realize that this is going to be a very long morning.

I dream of one day relaxing on the couch with a HOT cup of coffee in the morning, like this bitch:


Roxane said...

I would beat the Dude's butt! Between having to get peed on and listen to all that conundrum before having a cup of coffee, he owes you...BIG.

Melissa Erickson said...

Ahahaha I could not have said it better! I have never understood why men sit on the toilet forever. Women do not have any extra time to do so.

Of course there is also the fact that women are smart enough to know when they have to go so they just go in and get out.

The Blonde Duck said...

For as little hair as they have, men do take awhile!

Jo said...

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha--great post!

Love it!

Hi, I'm Jo. Just stopping by after you were so kind as to leave a comment on my post about my daughter--thank you for sharing the story of your mom and your sister. I hope your Mom will one day realize the strength she has.

I appreciate you coming by--hope to see you again soon.

I'll be back to visit you again, as well.

Riverside misses you, too...

Peace, love and happiness,
"Diary Of A Sad Housewife"

Chanda said...

Locked bathroom door. Huh? I can't recall the last time I did my business in peace. Oh yeah, 3.5 years ago before I had kids!

Stopped by from SITS!

R. Wallis @ TrueBeauty said...

Just stopping by from SITS to say Hi. Great blog! Sounds like The Dude needs an outhouse :)
Come by and check out my 5 DAYS OF GIVE-A-WAYS!

Michelle @ Find Your Balance said...

Oh, bless you taking care of all those little ones! My man is always in the bathroom forever too. He takes his iphone in there and reads. I'm always banging on the door!

The Rambler said...

Oh crap...I laughed out loud here at 2am reading the last line about relaxing on a couch like this bitch.

I died.

I missed you too!!!

Alexis AKA MOM said...

You have just summed up my world 3 boys one mom! REALLY I'm the one that has makeup and hair!

And how hard is it to get your pee in the toilet? Frazzled mom about to snap over have to look before I sit :)

Great post! And the Jelly swirl in the bread sounds amazing!!! I'll have to try that, thanks for the tip :)

Jessie said...

I just came upon your blog by browsing around and I have to say you are hilarious! I love how you take daily life and make it muuuuch more interesting by your storytelling! I'm glad you decide to share even boring moments to you have been quite entertaining to read =)~ Enjoy your week and keep it up! I am now a folloower!