Monday, March 30, 2009

How many different languages can I say this?

I' 沒懷孕的m. Je ne suis pas enceinte. Ich bin nicht schwanger. Δεν είμαι έγκυος. Non sono incinto. Eu não estou grávido. Я не супорос. I AM NOT PREGNANT!! Cheese and rice, man. It's getting to the point of ridiculousness. Every time I mention I don't feel well, or I'm tired, or something like that, Fifi responds with a snide, "You're not pregnant are you?" I swear. It feels like I'm back at the Naval hospital. All you military gals/military dependants feel me on that one? ANY time you go in to the doc at a naval hospital they give you a pregnancy test. Apparently, if something is wrong with you and you're of child bearing age, you're either pregnant or you need a Motrin. Female with a broken leg? Hmmm, you must have broken that cuz you're pregnant. Let's order a pregnancy test, STAT! Male with a broken leg? Here, have a gigantic bottle of Motrin. You're all better now, so leave.
She just cannot understand that no, I am NOT PREGNANT. There is only like a .001% chance that I could even get preggers right now, so I'm gonna go with the NOT PREGNANT theory. It's slightly annoying. She can blab all day long about her gastrointestinal problems but the INSTANT I complain of anything she jumps on the pregnancy thing.

I think I need to start wearing this shirt to work

Sassy, no?

Maybe I'll just start doing the same to her, despite the fact that she's 62 yrs old and has had a hysterectomy.


Roxane said...

LOL it's so funny that you posted this! I'm the opposite, forever looking for a sign of pregnancy (pathetic but true!). I did hear this from my friends who are in the Army, whenever she goes in, pregnancy test. Last time she was 7 months along and they made her pee on a stick anyways The nurse came in and announced "You're pregnant" her response was "no shit sherlock!"

The Rambler said...

Size fat bastard for ME please!

Thanks. I'll be waiting by the mailbox so the A-holes that say stupid crap like that will shut up.

Sighh...whew....thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

xoxo YOU.

Anonymous said...

I don't know but I'm with Fifi. It really does sound like you might be pregnant. ;)

Alexis AKA MOM said...

OMG I had the I'm not Fat I'm pregnant shirt ... this last time around, because eveyone just thought I needed to loose weight. Now they look and say are you a few months pg? Nope just fat ... ha-ha.

Come over we'll have some SOS together and fill out the shirts ... ha-ha

noble pig said...

OMG that is hilarious. I think you need to get pregnant to make a point.

jesse said...

HAHHAHAHA I can't stop laughing every time I come to your blog. I need like 12 copies of that shirt so I can share the laughs with all my girlfriends!

Hohni said...

Too funny!!